While looking for ways to quit smoking, you must first understand that using the nicotine patch, chewing Nicorette, and/or snorting anti-depressants, will probably end with the undesired result; embarrassing failures. Until you look deeply into why addiction is usually the victor, you’ll probably relapse repeatedly.

Why Quitting is a Bitch?

Tobacco, in the form of Cigarettes, is the most difficult drug to kick because of how many layers there are to the addiction. First and foremost, the behavioral element to smoking is far greater than the chemical dependence to nicotine. Humans are no better than Pavlov’s dogs when it comes to conditioning, and, on top of this susceptibility, we are creatures of habit. Examples of behavioral conditioning are: smoking with alcohol or coffee, smoking on breaks, smoking after sex, and the compulsion to smoke in a social environment. Personally, wanting to partake in the smoker subculture was the most difficult part for me.

The chemical dependency is also very difficult to break, because you experience physical pain, mood swings, and depression. It’s said that the third day, third week, and third month, are the most likely times to relapse. God knows why? It’s common that for the first couple of weeks, a person will cough more after quitting as the lungs cleanse themselves. Many people fail to realize that the lungs are the most rejuvenacent organ in the body, and will work hard to cleanse themselves once free from the bombardment of smoke and tar. Depending on your addiction, it’s also normal to experience shakes, emotional outbursts, and intense cravings during the first few weeks. You must tell everyone around you to support you, and be patient with you during this process. People will understand and, hopefully, not take your chemical-withdraw symptoms personally.

Another difficult layer of the addiction to overcome is your programming. The constant repetition involved in smoking hard-wires your brain, which is why your desire to smoke, and amount of daily cigarette intake, usually increase over time. This is also why the longer you smoke, the harder it is to quit.

When trying to quit smoking your triple screwed, because you’re dealing attempting to undo behavioral conditioning, chemical dependency, and biological programming.

So What’s the Secret to Quit Smoking?

Failure to conquer an addiction to cigarettes is the result of a lack of real intention to quit. Many people will respond defensively, “What the heck do you mean I don’t have real intention, I have every desire to quit smoking?” The answer is simple: If you place external conditions on quitting, then you’re setting yourself up for failure.

External conditions people think they need to quit smoking include:

• Quitting by some future date such as a New Year’s Resolution, or after the weekend
• An expensive 12-step program, nicotine gum, vitamins, the patch, anti-depressants up the nose
• Deciding to wait until life is less stressful
• Quitting after the last bit of cigarettes are gone

Having the desire to quit is only the starting point, not the means.

The truth is, putting conditions on ending an addiction is telling the unconscious mind that you are not ready, or willing, to free yourself from smoking. Real intention is being present in telling all levels of your being that your will is infinitely more powerful than your program. Saying you want to quit without this real intention, is expressing your desire without invoking your all-powerful Will. Your desires are simple thoughts and feelings that pass, which cannot manifest without will.

Bottom line: Desire isn’t good enough; real intention is all it takes to quit smoking.

How To Use Real Intention to End Your Cigarette Addiction

There’s no exact formula, but the Truth exists in all instances where people successfully quit. It is Will that has kept people alive in impossible circumstances, and has changed the world as we know it. Real intention is focusing will to achieve desired results. Here is the practical application of intention to quit smoking that you can use everyday:

Daily Affirmations to Quit Smoking

Daily ‘I am’ affirmations will reprogram your brain, breaking the hard-wire connections that are responsible for the addiction. Example of these affirmations include: I am healthy; I am strong; I am powerful; I am not a smoker; I am not addicted. ‘I will’ works great as well: I will not smoke; I will not fail; I will be successful; I will myself to heal. The more you repeat these positive affirmations, the more physical benefit. Behavioral conditioning and biological programming that is responsible for our addictions, can likewise be used to defeat them.

Being Truly Ready to Quit

If you’re truly ready to stop smoking, there’s no better time than now. Having presence of mind in deciding you’re finished, is an exercise in real intention. Ending bad behaviors without reliance on external conditions tells your unconscious that you’re truly ready. Whether you have 3 smokes left, it’s Friday the 13th, or there are 3 days before the New Year, putting down the pack and realizing the power of now, is a huge factor in successfully quitting. Being present is the key to happiness and success, and it is definitely a key element to creating the strength you’ll need to get yourself through this difficult process.

Positive Behavior Modification

Replace the habits of smoking with other positive actions. Down a bottle of water, write openly about what you’re going through, go for a walk or run, and take supplements that make you feel good.

The Electronic Vapor Stick, or Fake Cigarette, has helped a lot of people in the short term, but often end in relapse. I would suggest bringing something like this into a social environment where your smoking program will fire. However, using this as a cigarette replacement will end in failure. After you’ve taken the plunge to quit, you must do your best to avoid behaviors went along with your smoking habit, such as: coffee, alcohol, and hanging out with your friends that smoke. Sounds difficult, but your Will will eventually be strong enough to maintain in these vulnerable environments; in the beginning stages, try to prevent yourself from tempting circumstances. After healing is complete, even the worst alcoholics can find themselves around bews without the desire to indulge.

Don’t Even Take A Puff

If you think you can handle a puff, or cheat once in a while, you’re wrong. You will go back to smoking if you touch another cigarette. Ask your friends to respect what you’re going through by not offering you a hit, or even smoking in your presence.

Breaking the Chemical Nicotine Dependency

Many doctors believe that easing your chemical dependency is the best way. As long as you are not leaning on things like nicotine gum, and the patch, these substances may ease the pain of chemical-withdraw. Accompanied with everything I’ve previously mentioned, a slow chemical detoxification can’t hurt. However, these things aren’t necessary and will not help you with the compulsion to lift a cigarette to your mouth.

Time will heal you and cure your dependency.

Accepting Support is Key

Many of us have a huge a barrier that we are not conformable to allow people to penetrate. Vulnerability is the most terrifying thing people spend their lives trying to avoid.

We wear a mask for so long that we forget what’s underneath it.

You must allow people to support you without your pride getting in the way. Most people feel that loving someone is the act of doing something for them, however this isn’t true. Loving someone is being vulnerable enough to allow someone in. With support and love, strength will come when you feel you have nothing left.

In conclusion, you cannot call upon your external reality to achieve your goals. You must look within. Take responsibility, and believe in your Will to Power. With real intention, you will successfully quit smoking, which will pave the way for huge growth, health, and happiness.

Goldstein, reporting from the non-smoking section

If you’ve been busted for a DUI / DWI, chances are that you can get your case thrown out by studying the legal protocols officers must follow, and challenging the effectiveness of the breathalyzer test, blood specimen test, and/or field sobriety test. The unconstitutionality of these DUI procedures and court trials can be challenged, however many are unwilling to open this can of worms, because the implications of this could turn over the entire legal system. An easier approach, is to rip apart the details and find the flaws that will get your DUI case thrown out. I suggest hiring a clever DUI defense attorney that has a long track record for success. An attorney will take the headache away. However, this article will help you out if you wish to fight alone.

It’s fair for moral judgment to be made against people that choose to drive drunk – many have lost their loved ones as a result – but these moral issues cannot stand in the way of Justice. If you’ve received a DUI, take a moment and answer these question:

1. Was Justice being served the day I received my DUI, or was I taking it up the rear from the phallus of a flawed system? If you feel Justice served you, leave this website immediately.

2. Do I believe I was doing anything wrong, or putting anyone in danger, by deciding to drive after partaking in X amount of alcoholic beverages? If your answer is simply no, then fight blood and bones, and don’t let them pressure you into pleading guilty.

Before covering successful defenses people have used to get their DUI cases tossed out, I implore you to hire a DUI attorney. If you can’t afford your lawyer’s car payment, then pull your resources together, and fight without one. This article will inspire you to create a defense.

General Facts That Will Help You Win Your DUI Case

• No Illegal Stops – an officer must have a clear cause for legally stopping a vehicle or seizing a person. Weaving inside of lanes is not illegal and does not warrant an officer pulling you over. You cannot be legally stopped, because of an anonymous report that you were operating a vehicle under the influence.
• No Illegal Searches – police are strictly prohibited from searching a person or a vehicle because of a minor traffic offense. These prohibitions prevent evidence that is illegally obtained, to be used against you in court.
• Request Video Evidence – an officer’s in-squad video can be used as evidence against the officer’s report of a failed field-sobriety-test. Likewise, the booking room video camera can contradict an officer’s claim of slurred speech and poor balance.

Defense Against a Breathalyzer Test in a DUI Case

Experts agree that a breath test alone is not a reliable means for determining blood alcohol level, because of its result variances as well as several other factors that interfere with the device’s accuracy. Here are a few defenses individuals have used to fight the breathalyzer test, and get there DUI case thrown out:

• Breath Machine Operating Protocols Failure – Manufacturers have very specific protocols that must be followed to make breath results valid. Failure to follow these procedures will result in improper readings. You may request the model type, and all information including the software that the breathalyzer system runs on. DUI cases have been thrown out in Florida as a result of a manufacturer’s failure to provide the fundamental source code of these systems. e.g. The company that makes the Intoxilyzer refused to reveal the computer source code for the machine’s software due to what they claimed was a ‘trade secret’. A Seminole County court threw out Muldowny’s alcohol breath test and the ruling was upheld by an appeals court in 2004. This is what cleverness will get you.
• Breathalyzer Malfunctions – if there’s a report of a machine malfunction within a specific time of the breath test, the results will be thrown out in court.
• Unlicensed, or Expired Licensed, Breath Machine Operator
• Unapproved Breathalyzer Device – the breath test instrument must be listed on the Federal List of Approved Breath Evidential Instruments or the results are inadmissible. Portable Breathalyzer units are usually not admissible in a DUI trial; look up your state law.
• Unconstitutionality of the Breathalyzer – if a person is arrested and tried for a DUI / DWI as a result of a breathalyzer test, he or she is denied the basic protections under the 4th and 5th Amendment. In many cases, the right to a jury trial is also violated. Stand up for yourself, bring a copy of the pocket constitution and site this to your judge. Remember, that officers are sworn to uphold the constitution.

The .08% Blood Alcohol Level is not a scientific estimation of intoxication, it’s the result of political pressures from Feminazi organizations like MADD. The American Medical Association made their determination over 30 years ago, which was double the current legal limit. They determined that .15% was a perfectly acceptable BAL for safe driving.

The Best Defense for a Blood Specimen Test in a DUI Case

It’s not unusual for a police blood test to fail while attempting to calculate Blood Alcohol Level. There’s a standard protocol for blood analysis, testing, as well as preservation recommendations that an officer may fail to follow. As hasty and arrogant as officers may be, it would be very easy for them to take short cuts, make mistakes, or forget vital elements for a successful scientific analysis. Many people don’t know that you can have a blood, breath, and field-sobriety test reviewed by an expert.

An ominous fact about hospital blood tests is, on average, hospitals overestimate a person’s actual blood level by 25% while administering these specimen tests on healthy individuals. If an individual has suffered a serious injury, or has medical conditions like diabetes, blood tests can be grossly inaccurate.

Why hiring a DUI defense attorney will help you?

Though blood tests in a DUI case are more accurate than a breath test, there are still several factors that can determine the tests inadequacies in court. Blood tests do not factor in very important variables such as: a person’s weight, rate of alcohol absorption, and metabolism. Your blood alcohol level at the time the officer pulls you over, is what’s in question, not the level the blood alcohol level at the time the test was administered.

Your DUI attorney can order an independent study of the blood sample to make sure there were no errors as a result of contamination, or failure to include certain substances needed for blood test accuracy. Certain questions can be asked like:

• Were enough preservatives used to ensure blood was properly stored?
• Did rubbing alcohol contaminate the blood at the time it was withdrawn?
• Was the vial shaken? The chemicals must mix properly with the blood to give an accurate reading.

Simple blood test operating failures can create dramatic increases in blood alcohol level. An actual BAL of .01% to .03% can show up as a false .07% to .10% reading in test results.

Fighting Ridiculous Field Sobriety Tests in a DUI Case

The standard field sobriety test officers use to determine whether a person is under the influence, is highly inaccurate. For healthy individuals, the walk-and-turn maneuver is only 68 percent effective, and the one-legged balancing act is only 65% effective for demonstrating insobriety. If a person has injuries or any kind of medical condition, is 50 plus lbs over weight, and/or over 65 years old, sobriety cannot be judged according to these methods.

Touching your finger to your nose, saying the alphabet, or counting, is not a valid sobriety test. These methods are what humorously come to mind when envisioning a field-sobriety-test , because they are completely ridiculous and unfortunately very common. They are not a scientific, or legal, way of determining if someone is driving while intoxicated / driving under the influence. According to the National Highway and Traffic Safety Administration, not administering field-sobriety-tests properly makes results inadmissible for evidence in a DUI case.

There’s always a way to create a clever defense. Never plead guilty if you feel you weren’t doing anything wrong. If you have the means, retain a good DUI defense attorney, and take the system by storm.

As a sociologist, I’ve always been fascinated by the primal nature of Man, and the humorous attempts society takes to veil what fundamentally makes us no different than Chimps. We’ve created ridiculous titles like Making Love and Sleeping Together, to insinuate humping, genital licking, anal thrusting, hair pulling, neck biting, and a rump smacking good time that usually takes place between consenting adults. We’ve also created an array of fancy names for the blood flesh we devour. Even pooping has its own level of sophistication, though everyone still experiences the daily act of grunting, clinching, farting, checking toilet paper between wipes, and taking pride in the girth and length of their excrement. Bottom-line is President Obama, Beyonce, your local Pastor, and that chick on those Progressive Insurance commercials, all have animal sex and eat animal flesh.

Yes, folks. President Obama eats flesh and humps regularly.

As President Obama seems to be the current master of our species, I’ll belittle him by making his name synonymous with mankind for the rest of this research paper.

President Obama and Animals Have Sex for the Same Reasons

It’s a common myth that Obama and other animals have sex for the sheer propagation of the species. Another false belief is that facing each other during sex is only a human experience, and that doggystyle is an animalistic act contrary to civil behavior and love. If we look into the animal world, sex has inter-cultural significance, defines leadership, and keeps the peace. Just like our president, certain animal species have also created cultural taboos prohibiting sex with offspring and certain members of their tribe.

Research shows that Bonobo Chimps, our closest genetic relative, have face-to-face sex, give each other oral pleasure, and kiss sensually with their tongues. Bonobos have casual sex, homosexual relationships, and mothers that abstain from intercourse with their sons.

What separates Obama from the rest of the Animal Kingdom?

Obama’s sexual sophistication is a result of larger brain size to body weight ratio. Our president has the ability to act out fantasies, turn past abuse into fetishes, wear clothing that amplifies arousal, and use ancient wisdom to harness the greatest amount of pleasure he can experience.

Human females have an organ for the sole purpose of pleasure, which is not seen in any other species. The clit creates the majority of sexual stimulation, but this is not a woman’s sole pleasure sensor. President Obama should understand that the breasts, nipples, skin, and the vaginal and anal cavity, create huge amount of sexual arousal.

Obama’s Indulgence of Flesh and Blood

Our president loves his chicken, and would slaughter millions if it meant more good times for all his brothers and sisters.

The next time you sit in a fancy restaurant, take a moment and appreciate the humor of watching people in classy attire chomping down on baby flesh that was slaughtered for the purpose a moment’s enjoyment. If it’s not a human baby, then what’s the problem? Of course there’s no problem, but some of these people are enjoying their Veal after a hard day of protesting animal abuse. This is just an observation, so please know that I’m all for clubbing baby seals, and leather upholstery.

Yes, President Obama Grunts While Taking a Poop

When you’re nervous about approaching a woman, running for office, or following your dreams, just picture President Obama grunting while dropping a deuce. The power of this visualization will set you free.

In conclusion, if we would discuss humping, eating blood flesh, and pooping in our daily lives, this would humble our egos and pave the pay for world peace.

Goldstein, reporting from our nation’s capital.

How to Remove Car Smells?

Mrs. Goldstein was recently faced with one hell of a mess while driving home from the local laundry mat.  What started as a disaster quickly became a precious cure for car odor; leaving behind the subtle aroma of that clean laundry smell, many of us have come to love.

While fulfilling her womanly duties, Mrs. Goldstein placed the laundry detergent on the floor board of our car, behind the driver seat, before driving home from the laundry mat.  When she arrived, she realized this had tipped over and spilled all over the floor mat.  After having a conniption fit and cursing out our neighbors, she decided to remedy the problem by spraying the mat down with water.  She then let the mat sundry for a few hours.  About a cup spilled out; no big deal, but enough to put the smack down, if you know what I mean…

The Goldstein Mobile

It’s been weeks and the car is left with the fragrance of clean laundry.  Everyone who enters our Station Wagon comments on how wonderful our car smells.

What is the simple solution to end car odor?

Tide plus Febreze Freshness Liquid Laundry Detergent: The Holy Grail of in car freshness

I propose a small amount of Tide plus Febreze spread throughout the floor mats of your car.  Do not overdo it and make sure to clean the excess.  Also, I’m not sure what the implications of inhaling this stuff are, but I’m sure we’re all exposed to much worse on a daily basis.

Why is this discovery so amazing?

Let us visit my driving behavior, and the causes of permastench:

1. I’m an avid, in car, cigarette smoker
2. I urinate in bottles during traffic jams.  Over spray happens.
3. Del Taco, Taco Bell, and Burger King, eaten consistently in car, sometime left to rot.
4. Farting as a result.
5. I’m too cheap to get my car washed, ever.
6. Last and certainly the biggest culprit; kids.  Yes I have many of them, including an 11 month old.

(No I don’t smoke with my kids in the car)

I hope this blog finds you well and please let me know how this solution works out for you in the comment section.

PS3 Armaggeddon

You are probably aware by now that there is a worldwide epidemic that’s bigger news than Chile and Haiti combined. Millions of Playstation 3 consoles suddenly stopped working due to Error 8001050F, reminiscent of Y2K, which Sony says, “is being caused by a bug in the clock functionality incorporated in the system.” Sony states that this Playstation Network (PSN) issue affects older PS3 models, and, according to Sony’s Twitter page, ‘Readers/followers are confirming that “slim” units (120/250 GB models) are connecting normally.’

Issues related to Error 8001050f

1. Internal clock set back to Jan 1st, 2000.

2. Cannot sign into Playstation Network

3. Playing physical PS3 games will not work

4. Failure to install Trophy data, which translates: ‘you may or may not be screwed’

5. Users have reported DVDs and Blu-rays not working

6. Mass Suicide and Sony Death Threats

Sony states that affected consoles should be turned off until this issue is resolved, or face the possibility of corrupting files, losing saves, trophies, etc.

PS3 NAZI CONNECTION

A bug in the internal clock caused all of this mayhem, ha?  And, you’ll get back to us when more information is available, will you?  How ’bout fuck yourself!  When I want to play video games, jerk off to internet porn, or drive to the liquor store, I need to know that the vessel I’ve purchased to accomplish these tasks were built by people who know how to tell time!

You’re probably now thinking, why the hysteria? Or, get a life, do something better with your time.

If you don’t see the ominous implications here let me spell this out for you; millions (not exaggerated) of ‘advanced’ computer systems have failed at once. What happens when you get into your car and the computer system fails because of a ‘Clocking’ issue? I bet this would hit home, then… just imagine your pathetic ass actually walking, you probably can’t, can you?  How about people telling you that this is a good thing, because walking is healthy and you’ll shed weight off your fat ass.  Still not hitting home?  Go fuck yourself.

I’m not buying this story!  I personally think Sony is putting the hammer down; telling us what we can and cannot do. Most people think this is a mistake, I think it’s a power play.

Life with Playstation?  This is what you market down our throats, and then cut us off like a crack dealer.

Sony, remedy this issue or be ready to wake up to Error Code Name: Operation Hiroshima 2.0

Get It? Don’t worry, you will.

This is the Resident Evil 5 parody that brought the Youtube community to its knees… where it belongs.

Episode 01: Welcome to Africa

Questionably-heterosexual BSAA agent, Chris Redfield, grabs himself a military Hummer and ferries it across the African desert to a town of savages who clearly have substandard public health policies and building codes. Upon arrival, Chris is welcomed by fellow BSAA agent, Sheva Shaquiffa, who briefs Chris on the mission’s critical status, citing a recent rise in gang-related violence and crazy bitches. Together, Chris and Sheva walk over to projects of Kijuju, a gated community guarded by a rent-a-cop named Shaka. Lacking the appropriate clearance, Sheva wins Shaka over with a frisky quickie, while Chris watches enviously. If you would like to see more of these, be sure to give this Resident Evil Parody a 5 Star rating! Also, be sure to leave us some feedback. We know we’re amazing, but HOW amazing? Let us know in the comments section.

You are about to learn a shit load on the DO’S and DON’TS of raising Mealworms and King Worms. You will find this article incredibly informative, racially insensitive, and probably even a little funny. If you are an aspiring Worm Farmer, or need a reason to squeak out one more day of your shitty life, by laughing at mine, then read on.

I’m so broke that I’ve actually resorted to working under-the-table at a local Worm Farm in 115 degree weather. That’s right, folks, a Jew raising worms. I don’t even know why that’s ironic? Good news is, I have valuable insight to share!

#1  PROPER MAINTENANCE: Mealworms Stink like Rotting Corpses

If you are into necrophilia, then this smell will turn you on more than the odoriferous mixture of decay and vanilla from the dead whore in your trunk.   However, if you have the misfortune of  being normal, read on.

Worms reproduce at an exponential rate, which can quickly become a bitch even for the smallest operation.

These little fuckers need more TLC than a Jewish American Princess…

Mrs. Goldstein

a term she takes offense to.  ‘Sorry Honey’

You’ll continuously need:

• Wheat Bran
• Fresh Vegetables Biweekly: Carrots, Squash, Cactus, etc. for water & nutrients
• They need to be Sifted: fertilizer is a great byproduct for growing weed
• The beetles also need to be separated out by hand
• Racks and Tubs for harvesting

The horrific smell comes from, you guessed it, DEATH, and the number one cause is neglect.

If you are thinking of breaking into the worm business, know that this will require a lot of time, effort, and cash you probably don’t have if you’re pondering Worm Farming anyway.

PREVENTION: Start Small. You will fail the first couple of tries.  Also, if you think you can Jew your way around any of these processes, think again.

SOLUTION: Don’t be a dumb ass.  Make sure you have the time to maintain a healthy crop.

#2   INFESTATION: MOTHS & ANTS Destroy Your Sanity & Your Crop

KILLER MOTHS

For sake of imagery, if you’ve ever seen The Mist, you may have a small idea of what it’s like in a room filled with a thousand God Damned moths flying all over you.  Along with them, are hundreds of thousands of creepy-crawly worms and beetles swarming over tubs stacked high and low allowing only enough space for maneuvering.   Yes, this horror is my work environment, and YES, THIS COULD BE YOU!

THE CAUSE: Bad Wheat Bran. Well isn’t that a bitch?

Remember the whole exponential growth thing… Yeah, this applies to all insects, even the ones you aren’t trying to grow.  Other species of worm/insect can infest your Wheat Bran without the cultivator knowing it.  The infestation is in the form of tiny eggs caused from cross-contamination or a simple moth laying eggs at some point.  As your Mealworms mature, the foreign eggs hatch.  Moths are usually the result.  The moths immediately mate and lay more eggs in the tubs you are using for the worms.  The problem then gets worse and worse!

PREVENTION: Buy good Wheat Bran from a reputable source.

SOLUTION: There is none, you’re just plain fucked.  Live with it, this is part of the business.  Get a fly swatter and go to town.  This is a good stress reliever.  However, don’t accidentally knock over a whole rack of tubs.  This may give you a glimpse into your ultimate destiny SIX FEET UNDER.

MARCH OF THE KILLER ANTS

The only thing I have to say is, Ants Throw Down.  They will straight fuck your worms up, like, to the death a shit, Son.  Oh shit, just turned off the Snoop Dogg.  Sorry, I lost myself for a second.

PREVENTION:

a)    Line the perimeter of your work area with salt.  The salt gets into the ants’ junk and stops them in their tracks.  This is a secret that exterminators won’t tell you.

b)    Place your table’s feet in a cup – applies to all tables topped with tubs.  Don’t let anything, not even a thread, connect the top of the table to the actual floor.  Same principle as the defensive water-filled moat around a castle.

SOLUTION:  As previously mentioned, there is none.  Your crop will die!

In Conclusion, these two fundamental topics are obvious yet invaluable.

If you want to have success, then read, experiment, and learn from others.  There is nothing special about you, or your circumstance, so get over yourself.  Do as others do, and don’t bite off more than you can chew.

ONE MORE THING:  Never raise worms or any kind of feed in the same room, or house, you’re living in.  This can be disastrous, as the NSA may fuck you in the ass with conspiracy to commit bioterrorism.

Regards,

Goldstein

1.  First and foremost, on Polygamy

The Mormon Explanation:

In the Old Testament Era, Jews were polygamous because God commanded that they multiply and replenish the earth. Genesis 1:28 As the Lord commanded his chosen people then, so was it His command for the chosen people (Mormons) of modern times to take multiple wives and populate the earth with more Mormons.  It is impossible for one woman to produce the amount of children God requires of each family.  However, the 13 Articles of Faith states that all Mormons must obey the laws of the land.

I guess this Mormon didn’t get the memo.

Mormons say they don’t believe in Polygamy… This is seemingly contradictory, however their justification is something more complicated and esoteric than you might expect from ‘Christian’ doctrine.

Latter Day Saints in a nutshell, according to good ole Joe Smith:

In the first heavenly cycle, there are Gods and Goddesses in the Celestial World that are given a space to create their own Universe.  One God, or Heavenly Father, is assigned this space along with multiple Heavenly Mothers.  Earth is then created as told in the story of Genesis, yet altered according to the 19^th century ideals of Joseph Smith.  For every person that is born, there is a Heavenly Mother who has given birth to the soul, and an earthly mother that then gives birth to the body.  Basically, Heavenly Father is in his space, Master of All, getting it on with all his Heavenly Whores.  Thus, on a celestial plane polygamy is necessary to populate the souls of the world.  Though man should live in the image of God, obeying modern law and the ever-evolving cultural condition has purged Polygamy from Mormonism for its own growth and reputation.  (Kind of like how Catholics evolved from the torture and killing of men with opposing scientific views.  That sort of thing.)

Mormonism reveals that ‘As man is, God once was; as God is, man may be.’

Put more simply… If God can bang many Goddesses, then why the hell can’t we?

2.  ‘We only have sex for sake of procreation, not for pleasure’

Truth:  Salt Lake City is the sodomy capital of the world.  Do Mormons actually believe that butt sex is how babies are made?  I’ve toured through this town several times and have never been denied the booty.

I actually conducted a double-blind study over several years with Mormon and Placebo (Non-Mormon) females between the ages of 17 and 19 and published my results at Stanford Research.    In addition, this exhaustive research set the stage for an unprecedented scientific approach increasing Mormon sodomy by 15% in 2008.

Actually, believe it or not, Mormon and Human women alike have a unique organ designed specifically for sexual arousal, which is completely nonexistent in other animals.  It’s called a clitoris.  The natural question arises.

What is God’s intention for the clitoris if it serves no other function than sexual pleasure?

In Orwell’s 1984, the English Socialists described sex as Service to the Party.  Is this what Mormons are getting at?

3.  ‘We are so holy that we avoid the appearance of Evil’

The Old Joke Goes….

How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all the beer at your party?  Invite another Mormon.

Enough Said.

And if this isn’t the appearance of Evil, I don’t know what is.

4. ‘We love our fellow man and don’t judge our neighbor’

Truth:  Mormons believe that if their neighbors aren’t wearing white shirts and stupid ties, or pioneer hairdos with floral moo-moos (Apologies for the rhyming), then they’re not to be trusted.

They teach their children the value of prejudice as a way of protecting themselves from sinners.

Why judge a book by its cover?

Prejudice is wrong, and that’s the trueff!

5.  ‘We aren’t racist!’ – not that there’s anything wrong with some healthy racism

Truth:  Mormons actually equate dark skin with wickedness – ‘A curse from God’. They believe that God marked certain people with dark skin so that Blessed Whitey could easily stay clear of possible interbreeding.

To make this very clear

Acceptable

Unacceptable

For more in-depth articles you can rely on, visit www.psychographicmedia.com daily.

Goldstein reporting from Salt Lake City

If Louis C.K. directed Angels and Demons, then this would have been the movie trailer.

The 57 second clip below is definitely enough to have made Dan Brown wet himself. You can’t ask for this kind of quality and substance from mainstream Hollywood, however, thanks to Psychographic Media, this epic novel has gotten a second chance for movie success.

In honor of the World’s greatest comedian, Louis C.K., I hijacked material from his groundbreaking documentary about the Catholic church [Catholic Church Parody] , sculpted the material into the rough humanoid shape of a Vatican priest, and threw it into a dark alley with a bucket of Crisco and a young boy I had molded from the Angels and Demons movie trailer–metaphorically speaking, of course.

How the hell does that honor Louis CK, you ask? I don’t know. To be honest, I didn’t really think it through. Nevertheless… this goes out to you, Louis.

For more Louis C.K. info, check out his website: http://www.louisck.net/

Hugh Jackman Exposed.  Gay or Not, this video will rock your world.

I came across this alternative X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE movie trailer being passed through the homoerotic underground and felt it important to share with our viewers.

Description as written on the, what seemed to be, cum stained dust jacket:

‘Watch this special edition of the movie trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine, including new scenes you won’t find in your local theater. Features Hugh Jackman like you’ve never seen before, expressing himself to the 70′s song, “The Money Shot.” The only thing stronger than Wolverine’s adamantium claws is his rock-hard body in this delicious video.’